Fighting Mindfully: How did you kill me?

Taking criticism is difficult. Asking for criticism and then taking it is even harder, especially when the critique tears apart something you've been working hard at. But it is necessary for improvement.

It is easy to get caught up in the culture of "Well, I put myself out there, which is more than most people can say, so I don't care what people think. I'm awesome because I believe I am." It's fine for some things, especially those you do just for fun, but that mentality is a killer of skill. It's one of the easiest ways to get stuck at a plateau. You stop listening to those who can help you because you don't want to deal with the voice which says "you could be better if you stopped doing all these things wrong."

Sometimes your best isn't good enough - yet. Until you learn to accept that, and know it is a reflection of time, good practice, and effort instead of your self-worth, you will struggle to improve beyond what you already know. Unfortunately, everyone has blind spots. We need our companions and even complete strangers to tell us what we don't want to hear, so we can know the truth of how we are doing and how to improve.

Okay, nice life philosophy and all, but what does that have to do with fighting?

Learning how to fight in Belegarth for most is an uncomfortable experience of trial and error with the help of their peers. There's very little in the way of standardized instruction. This haphazard manner of doing things is made worse by the multitude of body types and sizes that flow through the ranks, each of which pass on "tricks" of questionable soundness. You may slowly figure out how kill every one else at practice given enough time, except maybe that one guy who almost always beats you no matter what you do. But no matter how good you are at home, when you eventually go to a big event, you'll probably find yourself on the losing side of the fighting equation more often than not.

At this point you may think "Wow, I wish I could fight like that guy", or maybe you'll just give up on fighting at the national level. After all, you've already learned all you think you can learn at home, you've read every article online, and you're still not good enough to win. Maybe it's time to throw in the towel and give up your aspirations of being a great fighter. You'll never be able to compete with those other stick jocks.

I'd like to offer you an alternative.  Use their experience for your own gain. You'll find that most of the ones who live and breathe fighting are excited to impart their knowledge. Always be prepared to ask the question "How did you kill me?"

Even casual sparring can be extremely helpful if you fight mindfully.

Now, not every fighter will be willing or able to answer that question, but it is still worth asking both at events where there are more skilled players and when you're sparring back at home. You'll probably be surprised at how people see your fighting. Of course, you still need to use your best judgement when listening to their advice, but at the very least, you'll suddenly have a new aspect of fighting to focus on. Understanding your weaknesses by asking the person who sees them most clearly (your opponent) and using that knowledge to improve is the fastest way to go from "okay" to "great". It still won't be easy, but you certainly don't need to give up on getting better as long as you're willing to take critique.

And in case you're thinking "well, that's easy for her to say", I'd like to be clear that this is my biggest struggle with fighting. Even sparring against my husband, his pointing out flaws in my fighting can be enough to reduce me to tears some days. I usually "know better" than to make those mistakes, so hearing I am still failing is incredibly frustrating. But, when the dust settles and I drag myself out to try again, I am more conscious of those errors and can correct them; something I wouldn't be able to do if I was left to improve on my own. It may hurt your ego, but there is no shame in asking for help from those better than you.

In short, this is my advice to you: If you want to become a great fighter, find someone who kills you every time at your next event and ask how they do it. You'll likely learn more from that one encounter than months of "figuring it out" back at home. It may sting to hear what they have to say, but you'll be better for it.

Plateaus are obviously a common issue in fighting. For another take on it, check our Sir Torrence's blog.